Girls, it’s been a challenging month.

I was diagnosed with cancer three weeks ago today.

I’ve been feeling pretty rough without the energy to write, but I want to get this all out. I keep LEANING IN and asking God for specific requests and you know what? God’s giving me increasing energy and strength. He is answering my prayers! So I will write- for HIS glory!

The story of discovering my disease follows, but I REALLY want you to read the end…the life-giving part of healing and security. So, if you’re short on time- read the END- it’s the most important part of my story so far!

Discovery of the mass in my pelvis:

I knew something wasn’t quite right in late June, so I scheduled an appointment with a Nurse Practitioner at my gynecologist’s office. My successful hysterectomy in January made my symptoms puzzling to me and I had inquired about slighter symptoms at a check-up in March, but the doctor assured me all was well.

I wasn’t surprised when my appointment in early July uncovered three pelvic infections. My symptoms seemed to worsen daily as I waited for those cultures and subsequent medicine. But finally, I was prescribed antibiotics and it seemed I was onto a solution! I was ready to remedy whatever was happening to cause all the inflammation and infection.

After five days on antibiotics, my symptoms only worsened. I called my doctor to inquire why things were deteriorating rather than improving. I didn’t get a response from a doctor that day and the next morning, the nurse called to tell me they were still waiting to hear from my doctor.

But I wasn’t well. And I knew it.

That morning, on my way to work, I experienced extreme, clenching pain- like labor pains.

Girls, I don’t have a uterus!

I didn’t know what could be causing this kind of pain as I sat in my car with my seatbelt safely fit over my abdomen.

I typically enjoy my one-hour commute to Indiana Wesleyan University where I work as the Communications Director in the Marketing Department. But on this day, I had to stop midway, the pain was so intrusive. Getting out of the vehicle to move around helped a little, and I arrived at work safely but still in so much pain. My co-workers noticed…I wasn’t looking so hot.

As I stood up and walked into work, I noticed my pain subsided. I decided to use the stand-up feature on my desk to begin working for the day, but my head couldn’t concentrate. I wondered if I had kidney stones? I never knew what that felt like, but my pain was unlike anything I ever felt and the doctor had just diagnosed me with a UTI, another ailment I’ve never had before.

As much as standing up helped cope with my pain, by lunchtime, I knew I had to go home. That nagging clenching feeling hurt enough and my brain couldn’t focus. I needed to get help.

My commute home wasn’t as painful and I immediately laid down to rest. I fell asleep, but when I woke up, Tim and I decided it was time to go to the ER. We went to Adams Memorial Hospital to explore the possibility of kidney stones.

They completed a CT scan to check for kidney stones. “Free and clear of kidney stones!” the doctor reported, “But we see a spot that we want to get a closer look at. It looks like it’s from your surgery in January.”

Perplexed, I underwent a lengthy ultrasound with lots and lots of measuring. I knew that was not a good sign.

At 11:00 pm that night, July 18th, the ER doctor reviewed ultrasound results with us, which revealed a vascular mass growing in my pelvis where my uterus once was. The lymph nodes there were also enlarged. She was very concerned. She instructed us to find a gynecologist/oncologist as soon as possible- the next day if we could.

Find a cancer doctor. Tomorrow.

Although we stand firm in our faith, that was a rough night for both of us. We understood this mass may or may not be cancerous, given the correlation to the surgery. I’m a ridiculous optimist, so I didn’t allow my brain to wonder about cancer just yet. I wanted to see what a specialist might say.

A flurry of appointments. a week at the lake, and a diagnosis:

The next day, we connected with Parkview’s Gynecology/Oncology unit and they offered me an appointment on the next Monday. Our family vacation to the lake began on Saturday. Originally, I thought I would have my inflammation and symptoms all resolved by our vacation and would be enjoying the water, food, games, and fun with Tim and the kids and no agenda.

Instead, we carried with us the weight of this news.

The week at the lake created opportunities to process my health with our adult kids (and one teenager). It was a rich time and they reminded me through a thousand different ways the fullness of my life. I loved cooking them breakfast and watching them from the shore as they sped around the lake in the boat or on the jet ski. They pitched in and served me well and loved each other well too. It was a beautiful week of just being present. My pain during our vacation was minimal and managed with over-the-counter pain meds. I am thankful for our time together. Our kids are amazing. If you know any one of them- you know it to be true. Each one in their own way. They bless me so much.

Jesus was so kind to me too. I experienced no fear or anxiety. It was like he was saying, “It’s going to be ok,” on repeat all week. Jesus is safe. Always. I embraced that feeling of safety through the week at the lake.

His truth was so evident to me, “Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, ‘The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him.’” (Lamentations 3:21-24)

Three days I left the lakes for medical appointments. The distance from the lake to the doctor’s office was the same as from home, so we made it all work- wanting to get answers about my health as soon as possible. It was clear by these three appointments- two biopsies, an under-anesthesia pelvic exam, and an office visit- that the doctors were very concerned about the appearance of the mass.

You have cancer:

After we came home from the lake, my pain began to increase quite a bit. The Monday following our vacation, August 5th, our doctor called with the pathology report. The cells in the mass and the lymph nodes both showed positive for cancer.

I cried.

Tim cried.

Cancer is a sad diagnosis. I already experienced increasing pain from the mass. I knew it was growing fast. I knew my life was changing…filled with doctor’s appointments and prospective treatment plans. I also experienced increasing pain- sending me to the ER three more times and being admitted to the hospital for three days to get a hold of havoc this mass was creating in my pelvis. Whatever was growing inside me was relentless and it hurt- bad.

Pain makes everything harder. I was weepy and trying to fix the next hurting thing. It felt like a mountain loomed in front of me- monumental and impossible. Tim read Psalm 116:1-9 to combat defeat.

Bless Tim- he was a rock in that first week of diagnosis and in-patient care. (Still is!) Someday, I’ll write more and tell you why this is a miracle in itself. Tim’s past and personality call for a completely different response than his Spirit-filled, confidence-based truth he just kept praying and speaking over me through this time. I am blessed by him and thankful for him.

The doctors sensed the urgency to get a plan in place for treating this aggressive mass. The pathology report failed to identify what type of cancer these cells make up. They still don’t have a name for it. They didn’t label it with a stage either. At first, they were saying likely stage 3 or 4. My long-awaited August 15th PET scan to help identify a stage revealed the same two instances of cancer that the CT scan showed along with a very small indication of suspicious cells in the liver.

Praise the Lord it has not spread any further!

All the doctors continue to affirm is that it’s aggressive and the treatment plan would have to be aggressive and quickly implemented too. But still no label and no stage to this diagnosis. They began a treatment regimen of five radiation treatments per week for five weeks and one chemo treatment each week to support the effects of the radiation. It’s all so bizarre to me- the destruction of my body (and this mass) through these treatments so I can live healthy. It all seems backwards.

Jesus and I keep talking that out!

Why me?….Why not me?:

Sometime during that week at the hospital in the midst of my pain I just wanted to throw my hands up and scream, “Why me?”

But I was instantly challenged.

Why not me?

Haven’t I spent the last 32 years growing my faith through the truth of God’s word and the power of the Holy Spirit? I teach the Word of God as encouragement to others, and now why not use what I know- wholly prepared to face suffering.

The 2024 Paris Olympics were in full swing during this time and I dared to liken myself to an Olympic athlete! They had spent hours- maybe even a lifetime preparing for this global stage in athletics. They all dreamed of the moment they could compete with aspirations of standing on a podium with the reward of a medal.

Wasn’t I in a similar situation?

What if I exercised all the truth I’ve practiced and prepared over the years for this season? It’s almost as if God was inviting me to join an elite group of people, willing to praise Him through suffering the effects of a fallen world in disease. He knows how much time I’ve spent in His care, in His truth, in His presence. And my reward for exercising truth in the midst of suffering and pain is far greater than any podium serves. (2 Cor. 4:16-18)